Sexually Frustrated journal entry on July 8 2015

Dear people I'm so stressed and depressed about my love life that i can't eat. I have some split peas cooking in the background just in case I regain my appetite but I doubt it will return but I think it will be a water fasting day for me, I don't want to get anymore jittery. All I want is a descent girl that at least looks like she's in good physical shape I don't care about how a females face looks. Maybe I'm shallow for that but it depends on your definition, the way I see it is since females have the right to have every standard in the world to keep men from making the cut and some have very large list's I should be able to have my standards too.
 Today all I did was ask some lady a question and she got super defensive with me and it was like she didn't care if she offended me or not and she was trying to play me. I asked her if her phone was a t-mobile so she took her ear phones off then looked at me and looked around as she got up to sit in another seat. All the meanwhile she's looking back and fourth at me and didn't even answer my question. I had to raise my voice as she sat in the seat in front of me for her to hear me and then she finally answered me and to the average person her voice might not have sounded too harsh but no I heard something in her voice that kind of reminded me of a female lion trying to protect her babies from a male lion planning to eat her cubs. That made me feel real low, I wasn't necessarily trying to hit on her but I just felt compelled to speak to her because she kept sitting next to me even though their were plenty of seats open on the bus. After she moved to a seat that was in front of me she moved even further then to some seats across from that. I felt worthless after that. Well I continued on my bus ride to pick up my groceries and was trying to hurry home after takes quite awhile but by time I got on the second bus going home and we get in between the third and second bus stop I seen  this beautiful brown skinned girl sitting with her friend as she kicked her bare feet up and put them on the chair in front of her with, she had shorts on that were low enough to see how fine her legs were as she was sitting outside in broad day light. To somebody else that might not be a big deal but to me this was so hot especially since I'm turned on by women who have smooth feet with nice arches. I just had to get off the bus and get a closer look even with my groceries in hand. I walked past her once but by time I got there from the bus stop she took her feet off the chair. So I walk down the street and waited for a certain amount of time then I turned around and walked past her. She looked so good to me I almost wanted to say she was Jamaican and her legs were smooth all the way to her bunny rabbit arched looking feet that were so smooth and gorgeous. So I went back to get a closer look and this time her feet were back on the chair so I got a good look at those nice smooth arches of hers. Her whole leg was so smooth all the way down to the feet. This shit made me mad because she looks like she's in college and if I was to try to approach her she would probably call me too old because I haven't shaved in weeks. I know what your thinking of course you are going to get turned down if you don't shave but check this out, I use to shave and get rejected by women left and right but to tell you the truth I didn't shave on the day that I met the last girl I was sexually intimate with back in 2008 around the time of the Olympics in Beijing and in fact I can swear my mother was telling me that I needed to shave that day and to tell you the truth I almost got laid the following year in 2009 wearing the same clothes and a beard that I can swear was a bit scruffy as I met a girl who was ready to go with me where ever I went but there were a few problems. I had no place to bring her and I smelled ripe that day so if I were to have taken my clothes off I could have made her stomach turn, I didn't count on her trying to hang out with me I just wanted her phone number. So I don't know what to expect with women when it comes to attracting them but at the same time I can read them like a book in certain situations depending on what it is. Well back to telling the story of the female I seen with her feet out in front her, I walked by her this time as she put her feet on the chair and I stared boldly looking at her feet and didn't care who seen me and her friend was with her too and had a better view of me as I walk by surprisingly they didn't care I didn't give a hoot, the girls didn't care that I was staring so strongly at her feet if they did they probably would have thought it was creepy but I don't care it's a free country and since she was showing them I'm going to look I didn't touch anybody and if she wants to label me a creep fine I doubt I'll see her again. There have been so many times that I've seen a particular Yale student and would hope to run into her again but it doesn't happen.
 I keep on saying that I'm going to be back blogging up here for good then I end up going lost for long periods of time but if enough people show me that they like to read my blog by leaving me comments or messaging me on you tube and if it's lucrative for me etc I will be up here more often typing about my love life especially this summer because the girls out here are really cranking up my sex drive and this blogging is like therapy. If anything sometimes you don't see me typing about my love life because in the winter months it doesn't affect me being alone as much but when the summer comes around and all the girls are wearing skimpy attire or wearing clothes that show their legs and feet  that's when my sex drive starts going crazy, I would be caught red handed if i was in a Jacuzzi with  women who look good in bathing suits . I don't know how long females think they can keep on turning guys on then turning us down. I predict just by looking around that more and more men are going to do things in response to the strong holds women have over relationships some will do things in a legal manner and some will do things in a illegal manner, some men will probably even go along and be apart of the homo sexual agenda that the media is trying to push I mean we all know that when some men can't get attractive women they consider messing with transvestites and gay men to to make up for what they can't get just look at the prison system. I personally wouldn't follow any of these alternatives except the honorable legal manner but I have seen guys take the negative roads I mentioned. I don't condone of any of the negative or homosexual acts that it encourages but I do want the women of western societies to see everything they helped to produce. The strong hold that women have on the dating scene isn't a physical strong hold but like a systematic strong hold where they have all the power to decide whether a man gets a female that he's the least bit attracted to or not and they act irresponsible with this power that's why it's hard to confront it I mean what am I supposed to tell my teacher when i'm coming to class late or my boss when I'm late to work or just not performing like myself, that i'm so horny I can't even think straight and I get depressed every time I see an attractive woman because I know that I can't get them based on the numerous times I've been turned down? Sometimes when women think I'm laughing with them as they continue to live their barbie world fantasy. I'm laughing at them because they ignorantly play and underestimate Male Sex energy, it's going to blow up in their face and all I have to do is sit back and watch. Every time one man takes his Youtube video's down for fear of embarrassment two or three more men post video's. This whole thing will never stop I even know a man that talks about the same problems with women that we talk about on Youtube and he hardly uses the computer and when he does it's not to watch men on Youtube talk about female problems so he doesn't know anything about your Mgtows or your True Forced Loneliness all he knows is experience yet he has the same arguments that men online have so you already know that this isn't some problem that's being perpetuated by online bloggers if anything it's a problem that's being validated by online bloggers. Before I got on Youtube I use to have a lot of the same point of views as men up here but I didn't have a lot of people to co sign it because most men in my everyday life are too proud to admit to it and the guys who get laid just simply don't have this problem so many times this subject get suppressed but I think it's going to boil over eventually   I'll go deeper into this issue in another blog post and remember the more you post comments and get interactive with my blog the more consistent I'll be so if you like this post leave me a comment.

I'm mad

I haven't been sexually intimate with a female since the Olympics was in Beijing China. I ran into this girl that i wanted to run into so fucking bad and she ignored me. I wish I was never fucking born, I can't attract any of the females that i'm sexually attracted to.I'm cultivating my sex energy to heal my body but i am so sexually frustrated it's not even funny. Am I the only one?

Screw The Freddy Fixer day parade in New Haven

Apparently the Freddy Fixers day parade was today but who cares, the last time i went there  no women that were there would hardly give me the time of day. I got one phone number, some female i forgot her name but it never went any where. She mentioned me going to her prom with her, i think it was at Hill House but I'm not much of a party guy and i could already imagine what it would've been like. She would've had me go to the prom with her and probably would've spent most of the time with her girls. I use to try to get her to meet up but she wasn't trying to do that from what i remember. Well most likely there wasn't that many people at the parade because it has been dying down in the most recent years and i hope it does because nobody needs such an event where dudes go just to be seen and get into mischief while the females are trying to be seen by thugs and underground celebrities. The only people who i ever know that really came off good at the Parade are popular underground rappers that have came to visit but if you aren't a celebrity then trying to talk to women at this parade is pointless and useless. I'm ready to get out of this city that slaps the innocent in the face and rewards the popular.

Some Body wise just gave this email i hope that it will help you

The Booty Call

The booty call should be made on the same day you plan on getting with
her. The first option is to call right before you want to meet her.
The second option is to call ahead of time to schedule the meeting for
a later time.

To use the second option you need to have a good idea of what her
usual schedule is like and the best time and way of reaching her,
whether through cell or home line, so you don't get the answer
machine. However, it's always best to use the first option, calling
right before meeting.

Most of the calls should be at night, but if you're calling her for
the first time, the call should definitely be at night.

The majority of the booty calls need to be at her place. A good rule
of thumb is 3 to 1, average three meetings at her place for every one
meeting at your place. One reason for having them mainly at her place
is to make it the customary location.

Make sure you sleep over the first time you two have sex, whether it
was a booty call or not, and then apply the 2 to 1 sleepover rule when
developing a booty call relationship. You should average one sleepover
for every two times you don't sleepover.

Since emotional bonds are strengthened faster than they are weakened,
the 2 to 1 rule acts as the emotional bond stabilizer for the both of
you. If the bond gets too strong or too weak, it will jeopardize the
booty call relationship and it may be too late to remedy the situation.

When you call, depending on when you call and when you want to meet
her, ask if she is doing anything right now, tonight, or later on. If
it's the first call, talk for about 5 minutes before asking. If it's
not the first call, keep the talk under 3 minutes.

It doesn't matter whether she says yes, no, or anything else, the
purpose of the question is to prime her for the next question.

The next thing you should ask her is if you can come over to her
place. For example, "Let me come over "

If she doesn't answer immediately, say "Ok" or "Alright" in order to
elicit a similar response from her. She will either say ok or give you
an excuse. If the excuse is one that you think she would be able to
get around, then continue with your persuasion. But if the excuse is a
serious one, then it's best to say goodnight and call a few days later.

She also might ask why you want to come over, in this case say
something along the lines of, "I just want to see you for a little
while". If she's more of the flirty type, you can say, "Why do you think?"

Common excuses you might encounter:

* She is tired -- this excuse borders between one she can get around
and one she can't.

You'll have to play this one by ear and listen to her tone of voice.
If she doesn't sound tired, it's a safe bet to pressure her a bit more
with the, "I just want to see you for a little bit" line.

* She is going out that night -- tell her you'll come by after she
gets back, even if she won't be back until late at night. After all,
that's how the booty call got its reputation.

* She has to do some work (whether for school or her job) -- say
something similar to what you would if she says she's going out, say
you'll come by right after she's finished.

* She simply says she's busy or has to do something -- ask her what
she has to do, if it's an excuse she can get around, just say you'll
come by after she's finished with whatever she's doing or has to do.

If she keeps giving excuses for why she doesn't want to meet, then she
probably isn't interested in you and/or she doesn't feel like having
sex at the moment.

Keep in mind that some women are reluctant to saying yes right away,
especially if it's the first booty call, but if you work for it just a
little, they usually cave in to their desires.

Once a woman has experienced the relaxation that comes from no strings
attached sex after building up the tension throughout the day, she'll
be constantly craving sex without emotional baggage or pre-sex
courting and her booty will definitely be giving you calls when it's
'in need'.

I see that people have been visiting lately

What's up my people first thing first thank everyone who has been coming to my blog I'm gonna keep posting periodically all i ask is that I get a little more interaction and it would mean a lot to me if you can leave comments. Talk back to me and let me know what you are going through.

I hate most Women and Girls in Connecticut New Haven to be more specific

Why do females act like they are too good for me? I've only had a few sexual counters in my life and none of them were good and they were all with women so don't get it twisted I'm not gay or homo. I never had one girlfriend. In middle school I had one girlfriend but I never hung out with her out of school or in school so she doesn't count. Dam is it because I'm light skinned I turn dark bronze when I get a tan I mean dam. I use to feel confident about myself until I started getting rejected by thousands of women. I use to be scared to talk to girls that's why I never use to approach them at first but, I always kind of figured that if I talk to at least 10 girls one of them will say yes but my luck is anything but that but, at the same time in a sense I'm not surprised that I can't get woman around here to like me. I always knew that my personality isn't mean but at the same time I'm not the same as everyone else. I know it's not because of my looks because a lot of woman tell me that I'm not ugly and get surprised that I don't have a girl friend but the funny things is they would never go on a date with me themselves but they are surprised. I talk to thousands of girls and I get lucky if one of them is interested. For the most part I quit trying to talk to women but today I just had to try. This girl acted like she couldn't even tell me her name. I went home mad wanting to cause harm to something. What society must understand is People aren't born crazy Society makes people turn crazy. Perhaps I'm crazy I don't know but personally most normal people can be labeled as crazy dumb or slow it depends on your definition of either term. I've been called slow and I've been called super smart. When I was 17 I took a test to see where my IQ was at but this was when I lived down south because i got extremely bad grades I was depressed. Well anyways during the test I was asked a bunch of things a lot of what I was asked were irrelevant stuff that can't really determine your IQ. Now don't get me wrong I'm God fearing but the most irrelevant question they asked me during this test was "what's the last book of the bible?" which I knew but I got nervous during the test and forgot it. To cut a long story short they labeled me as being special needs so when I returned back to Connecticut I couldn't even return back to the Alternative school that I had honors at. Let me get back on subject though but speaking of living down south the women down there liked me more. I wanna go back now. I wanted to back to Connecticut so bad when I lived in North Carolina.You see life in Connecticut wasn't always like this for me. Before I moved to North Carolina life had finally gotten good for me but my mother had to move me down south and as I got older i realized it was for selfish reasons. She had a hard time telling my father who she's divorced with no and to leave her alone. My father isn't abusive but he's a player type. In the beginning I put up a strong fight and I almost won but I gave in to my mothers Mental castration.I should have never felt for her stupid ass guilt trip she ruined my life I haven't been the same since I moved down there. I was starting to find myself as a man. My mother tried too hard to keep me off the street yes I said she tried too hard. When you raise your kid and he turns into a teen you have to let him find his way. My mother tried to control me to make herself feel better and in the midst of that she mentally castrated me. I use to be an All American looking light brown skinned male that use to workout heavy and stay disciplined in doing what I believed was right by any means. I loved myself even though my friends use to get a lot of women coming up to them and I never use to get any women coming up to me. The funny thing is my body was ten more times in shape then any of my friends and my pecks were like nothing you ever seen on a 16 or 17 year old boy.My life was starting to get better I had just gotten honors for the first marking period but all my mother wanted to bring up was the year before that when I was at a in Hamden High Public school and I had miserably low failing grades.I should have just stayed down south when I moved there because the funny thing about black women down there is they look better and they have less of an attitude. I literally had females coming up to me but my self-esteem was sort of low and humble I thought they were playing with me because I didn't know any better. In Connecticut you can have a female start a conversation with you and walk with you all the way home and still not get anywhere or she tells you that she's not interested. I once had a female stair me down then as she walked pass me she said I wasn't looking at you because I want to get with you I'm just looking at you just to look. I can't even count how many females have said ewww to the thought of me. I realize I came back for nothing. I love my friends and the people I grew up with but they aren't gonna have my kids and they can't reproduce. I need a woman. This entry is long because I'm mad today I had a lot on my mind. Why are women repulsed by me?Please leave me a comment good or bad let me know what you think.

A ton of beautiful women everywhere and I can't seem to get any of them

Today was a nice fall day and I seen a ton of beautiful women. I had to go inside because It got to bee too much for me. It's been over a year since I had sex with a girl or got laid. Sometime I think my poor luck with women has to do with the fact that my mother always tried to control me. My mother turned me into a stiff. At one time in my younger day I was trying to spread my wings and become a accepted member of society but my mother had to make into an out cast. I love my mother because that's all knew and I remembered growing up but sometime I wish i knew something different. My mother never trusted my judgement. I guess she assumed that I was less tougher than the next guy because I'm light skinned and everybody always want to associate being dark skinned with masculinity. My skin tone now is more of a bronze color but when I sit out in the sun for a long time I turn dark. I constantly see good looking women but I just can't seem to get one. I just be wanting to talk to girls but I've been turned down so many time it's seems like there is no hope.If you wanna make me feel better leave a comment for me a comment please leave me.